What We've Learned From Our Cross-Country Move

I was born and raised in Lubbock, Texas. There were many pros to my hometown, but my family and I were ready for change. We craved living somewhere with more access to nature and diversity. So, in December 2022, we made the leap and moved across the country. Our first six months were in an apartment in Raleigh, North Carolina, then we bought a house in Clayton, North Carolina. There have been changes we expected and things we weren’t prepared for. From missing family and our support system to taking care of all kinds of time-consuming tasks, the move has been extremely difficult, but worth it. Here is what we've learned from our cross-country move.

Adjusting was really difficult

Did you know there is something called “Relocation Depression”? Moving, even within the same city, is considered a trauma. Stress is typically the fear of the unknown, and when you move, there are lots of unknowns. My family and I have figured that out in the last year.

Before the move, we saw our family at least once a week, sometimes more. We attended any concert or baseball game that my nephews had. We would grab dinner, spend birthdays together, and my parents had our son sleepover often. My husband and I had date nights and our son adored his time with grandparents, aunt and uncle, and cousins. Looking back, we took all this for granted.

Once we arrived in Raleigh, we realized we were on our own. No family, no date nights, no breaks, and a 4 year old that didn’t understand what the hell was happening. The first 6 months or so were hard, very hard. Our son was angry and our marriage was tested. A lot.

Fortunately, through therapy and time (the healer of all wounds), we see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s been almost a year and we have a beautiful home that we love and even a few friends for much needed playdates and adult conversation. My husband and I have gotten even closer and we look forward to visits from our loved ones. We know now that while we still miss our family dearly, everything will be okay. The dark times were dark, but damn do we appreciate how sweet the good times are.

There are Oodles of Things to Take Care of

You may already know this, but there is tons of business to take care of if you are moving within the state. Move out of state, and there’s even more. For starters, there’s changing your address with your bank(s), the USPS, gas and electric companies, phone and internet providers, etc. For a full checklist of where you need to change your address, check out this blog at moving.com.

Next, you have to update your Drivers License and get new license plates. In North Carolina, you have to do this within 60 days of establishing permanent residence. It may have taken me about 10 months to get this done, but I got it done nonetheless. ;) I’d like to add that registering my vehicle for the first time in NC wasn’t cheap (around $470). Check the DMV website of your state to find out more information on this.

Another important task to take care of is finding primary care physicians and dentists (covered by your insurance) for everyone in the house. You’ll be glad you did this when somebody inevitably needs a doctor visit or a cavity filled. If you have pets, you probably want to get established with a local veterinarian, too.

If you move with children, you’ll need to know what school they will be attending. Jamey was only 4 when we moved, so we didn’t have to be on top of this before the move. If you have school-age children, this is something that would need to be researched beforehand.

There’s probably a lot more that needs to be done that I haven’t thought of yet, but those are the main things we’ve taken care of thus far. It seems like a lot, but if you make a list and take care of one thing at a time, it won’t become overwhelming.

You Gotta Put Yourself Out There

Perhaps not everyone requires social interaction in the way I do, but finding friends and a support system after a big move is a huge help. Taking Jamey to parks and museums (there are so many in this beautiful area) was an easy way to meet mom friends. Facebook groups are another way to find like-minded people. Browsing Facebook one day, I discovered a “Mommy & Me” event at a local coffee shop called the Little Doodles Play Cafe. I’ve met several awesome friends because of this event.

If you’re not a parent or caregiver, there are still lots of ways to meet people. Volunteering, joining a local gym, attending church, joining a book club, etc., are all great ways to meet people with similar interests.

It Was Worth It

Even with all the ups and downs, I can honestly say that this exciting chapter of our lives has been worth it. We’ve learned so much about ourselves. My husband and I have experienced more personal growth in the last year than we could have imagined. We were forced to grow up and lean on each other. We bought our first home here and it’s more gorgeous than I could have dreamed of.

We have experienced more beauty in the outdoors in the last year than ever before. There are trails, nature preserves, and state parks all over the place. Two hours away, there’s an ocean. Four hours away, mountains. If I’ve learned anything about my son (and probably children in general), it’s that they love the outdoors. And, the moderate climate around here is a huge plus, too.

There’s a level of diversity and difference of world views around here that we are stoked for Jamey to witness. I’d say the overall atmosphere here has been one of acceptance and understanding that everybody has their own story.

Lubbock, Texas, will always be my hometown and there are several things we still miss (family, easy access to work & shopping, Taco Villa), but we are super excited for the adventures Clayton, North Carolina, will bring.

Conclusion

In conclusion, moving ain’t easy. Especially when it’s far away from your loved ones. Add address changes, new doctors, and the daunting task of making new friends, and it can seem like too much. However, change can be as exciting as it is scary and can bring a ton of new opportunities. With an open mind, you might be on the most exciting adventure of your life.